Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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