Don't you send me to vm
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
