Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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