Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i can't believe i had my finger in that
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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