Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
