Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
we're so committed to being not committed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
