oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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