She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
