started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
