I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
