why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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