ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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