New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
