I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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