I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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