dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
