the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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