I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can text with my tongue
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
