the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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