what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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