look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
