Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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