u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
