Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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