Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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