I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
