i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
