Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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