I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
