Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
