I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
