And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Houston, we have a blender
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
