how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
