I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
