Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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