I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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