dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
