It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
