I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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