Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
