its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
