reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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