I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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