I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
