Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
