I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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