You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
