I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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