I'm drive I can fine osifer
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
