i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
