i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
