I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
