So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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