your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
