Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
