the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
