i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
